


Broken Jigsaw Pieces

by i_saw_sparks



Category: Big Time Rush RPF
Genre: F/M, Romance, Sex, Smut, bed, commitment issues, perfect match
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:57:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_saw_sparks/pseuds/i_saw_sparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you need to breathe, I'll make your heart beat twice as fast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Jigsaw Pieces

Nostalgia was a galaxy of glow-in-the-dark stars scattered across her ceiling.  
  
Two brown eyes gazed upward as she traced her own constellations across the freckled and peeling white plaster, and Kandi found a sense of comfort in the tried-and-true act. It proved to be a much-needed distraction from her restless thoughts, and her own future seemed less threatening while she was ensconced by the soft neon green glow just above her head.  
  
Most of her friends teased her over her less than fashionable décor, and even though it annoyed her, she could understand the reasoning behind their jabs. It was a little odd for a twenty-year-old to keep the same glow-in-the-dark stars from her childhood in her new apartment, but with the unknown chaos that was becoming her life, she needed that stability to keep her grounded. In a new city, living on her own for the first time, and lacking any sort of direction in her life, Kandi needed just a sliver from her past to remind her of who she was and where she’d come from.  
  
Her bedroom was filled with various souvenirs from her life in South Carolina, her own autobiography told through a collection of trinkets, knick-knacks, and keepsakes, with each object connected to a memory, a moment suspended in time. Dozens of photographs lined her dressers, all in frames that didn’t match, each snapshot competing to catch a wandering eye. Her expression was ever changing, her features slowly transforming and molding over time, merging to create the young woman stretched out on the bed.  
  
Tattered ticket stubs from years’ worth of movie going and paper fortunes, creased and yellowed by time, all remained tucked in the corners of frames. Seashells collected from summers spent along the East Coast adorned every inch of polished wood along her dressers and nightstands. Three sand dollars bleached white by the sun formed a triangle on one bedside table while a magnificent conch bled coral and pink on the opposite side of the bed.  
  
Propped up against the base of her bedside lamp was a photograph, its frame coated with a thin layer of sand from the shoreline and rows of tiny and fragile white shells, was a photograph of the same two faces currently pressed against white cotton pillowcases. Though Kandi’s feelings for the boy in the photograph hadn’t changed, the realities of life were beginning to set in. She loved Logan more than anything, he was the one person in the world that could hold her down when everything became too much at once and her emotions got the best of her. The last thing she wanted or needed was to lose him, but she was at a point where she could no longer deny the feelings of loneliness and the homesickness that weighed down her bones. She needed to be in place where she felt like she belonged, and she had never felt like she belonged in L.A.  
  
It was a decision she knew she’d eventually have to make, but she couldn’t keep herself from continuing to brush it off. Kandi could either sacrifice herself in order to stay in this relationship with Logan or try to go back to the way her life was before she met him. She couldn’t have both, and either way, she knew she’d end up being miserable.  
  
A sigh forced its way past her lips as she rolled over onto her side, letting her head rest against Logan’s chest while he eased his arm around her shoulder. The slow, steady thud of his heartbeat was unwavering, which only furthered her guilt. Though they hadn’t spoke in almost a half hour, the lull of the radio flooding the small space, Logan didn’t seem antsy or bored. It was as if they didn’t need the words, just the warmth of his skin against her own was enough to make her feel somewhat at peace.  
  
As reluctant as she was to admit it, Kandi didn’t want to live her life without him in it. She just couldn’t stand living in Los Angeles anymore. She’d grown up in a small town, and though she spent the majority of her young adult life longing to escape, once she did, she realized that she just wasn’t cut out for life in the city.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked. Though they were the only ones in the apartment, he kept his voice low, almost as if he didn’t want to intrude on the comfortable silence between them.  
  
“Nothing.” The answer was automatic. She still wasn’t used to opening up to him, to letting him in. No one had ever been able to work themselves that deeply into her life, and though she wanted him to know the real her, it was hard to fight that instinct to throw her guards up once he got too close, once he wanted to know too much. “I just keep thinking about home.”  
  
His fingers coursed through her loose waves. “I know what you mean. When I first moved out here, I missed my folks so much, but I was young and a little wild, so that made things easier.” He uttered a soft chuckle, but he could tell he wasn’t lifting her mood, so he tried a different approach. “Tell me about it. What’s it like there?”  
  
Her eyes flickered up to meet his, a half-smile adorning her lips. “Um, I don’t know where to start…” Her voice trailed off for a moment. “It’s boring as hell, there ain’t _shit_ to do, but I guess it’s a good place to grow up.”  
  
The slow nod of his head was reassuring as he silently urged her to continue.  
  
“I guess it’s just _easy_. It’s not as crazy as LA.”  
  
Kandi held back the words she wanted to say, that she felt somehow inferior in the city. With her unruly hair and her faux leather boots, she felt like she just couldn’t measure up.  
  
“I’d love to fly out with you next time you go,” he said, and though coming from any other guy, she would’ve written it off as bullshit, but there was a wholeheartedness in his syrupy stare that let her know his desire was genuine, and there was a part of her she kept hidden that wanted to believe him.  
  
“You should,” she replied, plastering a smile on her face. “It’d be good for you to get away.”  
  
“We should go on a road trip, just you and me. Make the drive from Cali to Carolina, stop at all the cheesy tourist stops along the way.” His tone was heavy with enthusiasm, and though her eyes were focused on the opposite wall, she just knew his features were aglow with the thought of making plans. That was Logan, all spontaneous and shit, while Kandi felt more comfortable with her tried-and-true routines. So different, but somehow, they managed to even each other out.  
  
“I think I would go crazy cramped up in the car for that long,” she admitted, and it was then that she realized he had somehow managed to make her laugh, and once she started laughing, she couldn’t stop.  
  
“Even in the Range Rover?”  
  
“Even in the Range Rover,” she answered, pushing her bangs out of her face. “I’m pretty sure it’s torture to make someone drive for that long at a time anyway.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right,” he conceded. “But we should fly out to SC sometime. I really do wanna see where you grew up, as crazy as that sounds.”  
  
“Aw, I don’t think it’s crazy,” she responded without hesitation. “I think it’s really sweet of you.”  
  
“I try, K. I try,” he replied, rolling over onto his side to face her. “Anyways, tell me more about home.”  
  
“Uh uh,” she shot back, rubbing her nose against his in a quick Eskimo kiss. “It’s your turn. Tell me about Dallas. Is everything really bigger in Texas?”  
  
He rolled his deep brown eyes, but he couldn’t hide the smile that spread across his lips, the smile that made the dimples in his cheeks emerge.  
  
“There’s not a lot to report about growing up in the suburbs.”  
  
“Don’t give me that! I wanna know **everything**.”  
  
They spent the rest of the night going back and forth like that, their feet pressed against the headboard of her bed as they shared stories from their childhood and teenage years. Kandi told him why she couldn’t stomach Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and Logan confessed his childhood fear of grasshoppers. To anyone else, it seemed like meaningless information, but with every insignificant tidbit that she learned about him, Kandi found herself falling deeper for him. It was the first time she’d ever stayed up all night just talking with a guy, and though she knew that what she and Logan had held the potential to go the distance, it only made her feel more conflicted and even more lost.  
  
As the first few orange streaks began to form across the sky, Kandi could feel herself drifting off, her eyelids suddenly heavy as they drooped over honey-brown eyes. Logan’s voice began to feel further and further away, his words like a lullaby as he tried to defend his claim that Batman was so much more badass than Spiderman. She clutched the soft cotton of his black tank top as she began to doze off, nestling her cheek into his chest as her lips fell open.  
  
When she woke up, Logan was still there, his baseball cap pulled down over his eyes to block out the sun streaming through her bedroom window. Kandi reached for the bill, slowly tilting it up to see if he was awake.  
  
“Hey,” he greeted her groggily, rubbing any traces of sleep from his eyes. “You’re up.”  
  
“Yeah,” she replied, stretching out her arms. “Thanks for sticking around.”  
  
He tossed his hat towards the headboard as he stood up. “No problem. Do you wanna go out for breakfast or something?”  
  
Kandi sat up in bed, raking her fingers through her messy hair before inching across the bed on her knees. “It’s noon, no one’s serving breakfast right now,” she said with a soft laugh. As she leaned forward, Kandi grabbed the neckline of his tank. “I was kinda hoping that we could stay in anyway?”  
  
Before he had a chance to respond, she clutched the fabric in her grip, pulling him into a kiss. There was just something about him that made her even more in-tune with herself. With him, she felt a little bolder, a little more confident, and even more sure of herself, and she couldn’t imagine giving any of that up.  
  
It was always so back and forth, leave or stay. Whenever she was around Logan, Kandi felt fine living in LA. It was the time she spent alone that made everything seem like it was falling apart. Those nights when Logan was working late or the weekends he spent away were the times she noticed how really and truly alone she was in this city.  
  
But for the moment, she was perfectly okay living in a world that consisted of only her and Logan.  
  
As the kiss came to a close, Logan pulled away, his gaze drifting down her frame as he edged closer to the bed. “Sure.”  
  
Sitting on the edge of her bed, Kandi crossed her bare legs, patting the stretch of mattress at her side. He took a seat, slinging his arm across her shoulders and pulling her closer as she let her head rest against his shoulder.  
  
“Lazy day?” he asked as he brushed her bangs out of her face.  
  
She murmured a “mhm” as her eyes stared blankly ahead at the beige wall.  
  
“That’s perfectly fine with me,” he replied, squeezing her shoulders.  
  
It was one of the things she loved about him, how even though it made him antsy just hanging around the apartment all day, he’d do it if he knew she needed a break from it all. It was all of those little aspects about him that made her ache inside whenever she thought about leaving. There was so much she needed to tell him, the many thoughts racing through her mind that she wanted to get off her chest, but she just couldn’t say the words.  
  
Kandi still couldn’t manage to tell him aloud that she loved him, a detail that frustrated Logan more than anything. If she couldn’t give him the three words that she was so sure of, how could she possibly make sense of the chaos and conflict inside her head?  
  
Instead of confessing her own indecisiveness to him, she did the only thing she knew how to do and let her lips softly brush against his. She was testing the waters, seeing if he would give her the physical contact she yearned for. Though she couldn’t give him the words he needed to hear just yet, she could give him the actions.  
  
It was all she had to give.  
  
Logan returned the gesture, but there was a desperation in the forcefulness of his kiss that gave him away. She could tell he knew something was wrong, and he was trying to fight against it, to make everything perfect in his own way. If he held her close enough and kissed her hard enough, maybe she wouldn’t slip through his fingers.  
  
“Logan, I-“ she began as she pulled away, struggling to find a way to explain her feelings for him, but he stopped her.  
  
Tucking her hair behind her ear, he simply said, “I know.”  
  
Her reply came in the form of another kiss, this time with more passion as her fingertips grasped his temples. She could feel his fingers running through her loose waves before his arms cradled her back, his fingertips digging into her shoulder blades through the thin white cotton of her t-shirt. Each subtle movement of his lips made her feel lightheaded and grounded at the same time, an unnerving contrast that was somehow intoxicating in the same vein.  
  
Before she knew it, she was falling. His hands had managed to inch beneath her shirt, his touch lightly grazing her sides as he tickled her. As she laughed against his lips, he brought her down with him, the two of them collapsing back onto the bed in a flurry of worn-in cotton and chestnut-colored waves.  
  
“At least I got a laugh out of you,” he teased, his grip firm around her hips.  
  
She rolled her eyes, blowing a stray strand of hair out of her face. “I’m pretty sure tickling doesn’t count ‘cause it’s cheating.”  
  
“Whatever,” he relented, but she could still hear the smile in his voice as she peppered his stubbly jaw line in light, playful kisses.  
  
Her lips pressed against the soft patch of skin near his ear before they curved around the breathless question. “You know I care about you, right?”  
  
The soft tickle of his eyelashes brushed against her skin as he rolled his eyes. “Well I would _hope_ so. I don’t think I’d be here if you didn’t.”  
  
Her lips mashed together, giving away her frustration. Though she appreciated his efforts to lighten the unspoken tension between them, it was still a little annoying whenever he made a joke out of her attempts to be real with him.  
  
The stress that had built up inside of her began to fade away as she sighed, diverting her gaze as she tried to explain herself. “I mean, it’s just – I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to lead you on or something.”  
  
His fingers curled around her forearms, the unexpected warmth and pressure grabbed her attention, and her gaze shifted to meet his. “It’s okay, I get it.”  
  
Logan reached up to brush a stray strand of hair away from her face, and she leaned forward, letting her forehead rest against his.  
  
“You don’t have to say it,” he murmured, his lips so close to hers. “I’m okay right here, with this.”  
  
And for a moment, just looking in his eyes, Kandi felt settled.  
  
Logan’s lips had that perfect amount of give that made her weak in the knees, and as she laid there, the sensation of his kiss so warm and supple against her lips, she realized that she would’ve been content to kiss him like that forever without feeling that undeniable urge to take things further. Right now, she was satisfied with the way that his lips blended so effortlessly into her own.  
  
With her eyes closed, all of her other senses began to drift towards the forefront of her mind. She was suddenly more aware of how her fingers were lazily stroking his stomach beneath his shirt, of the scent of green apple shampoo that clung to his skin, and of the array of hormones throughout her bloodstream that made her long to rip his clothes off.  
  
As soon as Logan was willing to take the next step, letting his tongue wash along the seam of her lips, she was already one step ahead of him, her lips parting automatically as her hips slowly rocked against his.  
  
Sure, she would’ve been content with just kissing, but she wasn’t going to deprive herself.  
  
With her lips still pressed against his, her tongue toying with the tip of his, Kandi inched his tank up with her fingers, exposing stretches of fair skin that she was anxious to explore with her touch. The hint wasn’t lost on Logan, and he pulled away from her for an instant to shed his shirt, letting the black cotton fall to the carpet beside her bed.  
  
She was quick to attend to the newly exposed flesh, leaving a trail of kisses down his chest and stomach, gazing up at him once she’d reached his navel. His espresso locks were disheveled, his cheeks flushed, and despite the softness of his stare, his pupils were blown wide with the lust that he tried so hard to hide. Seeing him so devastated only edged her own even further, the fact that she had that sort of power over him overwhelmingly intoxicating. With her hair pulled over her shoulder, chestnut waves disguising her motions, she unbuttoned his khaki pants and eased the soft fabric down his hipbones.  
  
Suspicion rose to the surface of her irises as she narrowed his eyes at him. “Are you sure these aren’t chick pants?”  
  
“Yes!” he protested. In any other circumstances, he would’ve yanked the pants back up his waist, but he’d reached the point of no return, so he settled with simply crossing his arms across his bare chest. “These are guy pants, _Kandi_.”  
  
It felt odd for her, hearing his voice say her own name. He always called her “K,” so whenever he actually used her real name, it felt like those times when her mom got irritated with her in high school and would call her by her full name.  
  
“I’m just saying, I bought a pair for work that look exactly like this.”  
  
Logan refused to meet her stare, even though her mock accusation had dissolved into laughter. With his lower lip jutted out in defiance and his eyes focused on her closet door, he looked more like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum than a twenty-one-year-old man.  
  
That was the moment she realized that she could love him, truly and deeply. That was the moment she knew that what they had was something concrete, not merely an infatuation.  
  
“You are so adorable.”  
  
The words came across as just another jab, they were constantly teasing each other, but her tone was laced with something more this time. She couldn’t look him in the eye because she knew that if she did, he’d see right through her.  
  
His expression shifted. She knew that _he_ knew, but Kandi appreciated how he decided not to call her out on it.  
  
“I try.” Those lips twisted into a smirk, and instantly, everything reverted back to the way it was before, to that comfortable silence they’d shared the night before.  
  
She picked up where she’d left off, one hand planted firmly on his thigh while the other worked to tug his khakis down his legs. Once the fabric was gathered around his ankles, Logan took charge, kicking himself free and pushing his khakis towards the end of the bed with his feet.  
  
Straddling his hips, she raked a hand through her hair, pushing her bangs out of her face before her arms came down around him, pinning him beneath her as her torso stretched out above him. Kandi was waiting for him to utter some smartass remark, but the sarcasm never came. Instead, she found herself trapped by his stare, by the way he looked her up and down so unabashedly, his teeth digging into his lower lip.  
  
Biting his lower lip was his tell, the habit he fell into whenever he was turned on.  
  
She was quick to kiss the smirk off of his face, her lips curving around his lower lip, enveloping the plush flesh as she gently tugged it forward. She could feel the slight pull as he sucked on the tip of her tongue, his touch washing over her neck, her shoulders, her chest. His fingers lightly curved around her upper arms as he tilted his head just so, his nose brushing against her skin.  
  
Logan’s fingers raced up her ribcage, his hands curving around her breasts from beneath her oversized white t-shirt, but she was already a step ahead of him. She gave him that smug look, his smirk mirrored on her lips as she reached behind her back and unclasped the bra through her shirt with a simple clench of her hand. Still tangled in her t-shirt, Kandi grabbed the black strapless bra and tossed it to the floor.  
  
With her face nestled into the curve of his neck, her lips pressed against his jugular, and she could feel the soft drumming of his pulse beneath the frail layer of skin. Innocently enough, his fingers twirled through her hair, but she could still feel his hips shift subtly beneath hers. Though she was all too aware of him nudging against her, urging her to take things further, it proved difficult for her to pull away. The scent of his skin was almost intoxicating, the way his sweat became intermingled with the crisp scent of his cologne.  
  
Kandi rose up to kiss him, her lips flooded with a sudden force as her hips slowly rolled against his. His jaw went slack for a moment before he was countering her, propping himself up on his arms as his lips guided her back. His bent knees were a boundary, his thighs cradling her while his lips refused to break away from hers. Every brush of his lips was different from the last, a little more pressure, a little more give, and at first, Kandi wasn’t sure what to expect, but she slowly fell into his patterns. As her thumb stroked the fair expanses of his neck, Logan’s hands rested along her stomach. It was at that moment that he chose to break away, his lips wandering to her neck, leaving scattered kisses along the porcelain stretch of skin.  
  
Trembling beneath his lips, Kandi felt his hand inch upward, fingers resting along her sternum for a moment before his thumb lazily rubbed her nipple. She could hear the sound of her own voice as his touch slid down her sides, coming to rest on her hips. His grip was firm but accommodating as her hips rocked into his, his back arching slightly to counter each of her movements.  
  
From their place settled around his neck, her hands ghosted down the planes of his chest, the soft flesh along his stomach, until they came to rest at his waist. Fingers snaked underneath the waistband of his boxer, tugging the material forward before she let it snap lightly against his skin.  
  
“Take these off,” she murmured in her ear, and though she felt like nothing more than putty in his hands, she could at least put on that front like she was in control of this game. In all honesty, they’d reached the point where neither of them was entirely in control of anything.  
  
“Mmkay.” It came out in a breath as his syrupy gaze stayed glued to her frame.  
  
Logan was quick to oblige, wriggling out of his boxers before they became lost in the sheets.  
  
“I think _someone_ has some catching up to do,” he whispered in his ear before his lips grazed her temple.  
  
Light laughter spilled from her lips. Holding his cheeks in her hands so she could meet his stare, she cocked an eyebrow. “Oh really now?”  
  
He glanced down, his brown eyes focused somewhere between their two bodies as his touch slowly crept up her thigh. His fingers hooked into her thong, yanking the silk down her hipbone in one fluid motion.  
  
She watched as he bit his lip, a light cherry tint adorning the supple flesh from constant kissing and nibbling. His eyes locked with hers, and she could feel him, thick and warm just beneath her like an unspoken demand.  
  
“Yeah,” he said. His eyes were wide as he feigned innocence, and she knew that she couldn’t hold out any longer.  
  
It was nothing new, the way their lips blended together and her body stretched out above his, but there was a newfound knowledge that hung in the air between them, emotions that strengthened the act in some way.  
  
Kandi loved him, she really and truly loved him. She loved the stupid way he smiled at her, how, whenever he say her, his eyes lit up like she was the best thing since sliced bread. She loved him because, even though she despised all of the Batman movies, his Christian Bale impersonation never failed to make her laugh. Though she didn’t have much faith in love or commitment, she didn’t want to be with anyone else but him. Logan was the only guy she could truly see herself spending the rest of her life with him. Not necessarily the whole marriage, kids, white picket fence deal, but just hanging out, just the two of them like this, forever.  
  
It was a scary thought, a feeling that suddenly cast him in a new light.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked, the pressure from his hips dissipating as he put a hand on her cheek, tilting her head to face him.  
  
“Nothing.” Her lips formed a smile against his as she leaned in to steal another kiss.  
  
Her hips bore down against his once more, and Logan let his hand rest along the small of her back, his fingertips tracing light patterns against her skin.  
  
She could feel him settled in between her legs, ready and waiting as she let herself slide down every inch of him, tempting him as he wriggled impatiently against the mattress. They both groaned softly into the kiss that followed as his hips rose up to meet hers, and with that one little thrust, they both felt whole.  
  
Being with him came as easily as breathing, and she found that every little thing she hated about herself he had a way of balancing out. They complemented each other perfectly, both in bed and in their relationship, like the corresponding pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They had both finally found their missing piece.  
  
His lips never strayed from hers as they made love, and even as the natural rhythm between them grew shaky and frantic, he still clung to her, grasping at her back while he broke away to catch his breath. Her hips circled his, and as her name brushed past his lips in a jagged breath, she left a kiss on the base of his cheek, waiting to feel his dimple shift against her lips. Of course, it did. Even though his breaths were becoming more labored, Kandi could still feel him smile.  
  
She breathed his name in his ear, sweet and low, as she felt herself reach the edge. The tension that had built up in her muscles seemed to evaporate with one sudden movement, and after she rolled off of him, she found herself nestled in his little nook. With his fingertips trailing down her upper arm, his body aligned perfectly with hers, and Kandi let her fingers slip into the spaces between his. Exhausted, her lashes fluttered against her skin as her eyelids began to droop, but her grip around his hand refused to loosen.  
  
It took her this long to find Logan, and now she was never going to let him go.


End file.
